Cheap Drugs SCAM

SPAM EMAIL I RECEIVED:

hey where were you

i called you 3 times.anyway

here is the store that i told to you.they have great medicines
for cheap

http://www.sevenoffice.com

- jane

MY RESPONSE:

Fucking hell! I was right by the phone, Jane! I mean, come on! I was waiting all night for you to call. I distinctly remember saying to you after work "hey, i need to go pick up my ear medicine, so just call me when you get in." I spend ALL FUCKING NIGHT waiting by that phone for you to call. You inconsiderate biatch!

Anyway, what's up with this "store" that you say is "cheap." I don't want that cheap shit. You know when I snort the cheap shit my eyeballs start to itch and I bleed from my asshole. So, no, I don't want to try your fucking "cheap" "store." Who the fuck do you think I am? A cheap store whore??? Is that all I am to you? A fucking cheap store whore? Answer me! Why are you just standing there? Got something to hide?

Baby, I'm sorry, that outburst was uncalled for. It's just...I haven't had any of the good shit in like 25 minutes and I'm a little edgy. Come here, baby. You know I'd never hurt you. Look, I'm putting down the frying pan. There it is, right on the floor.

What's that? Fine, I'll put down the knife too. Just come here and hug me.

Why won't you hug me? Well, fuck you then, you cheap store whore! Fuck you! Get out! I hate you! I never want to see you again. Take this frying pan up your ass!!!

Kevin "Fuck You, Cheap Store Whore" Mitchell

Coca Cola Lottery SCAM

EXCERPT OF SPAM EMAIL I RECEIVED:

OFFICIAL PRIZE NOTIFICATION

This is to inform you that have been selected for a cash prize of $450,000.00. The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized email selection system from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world...

The COCA-COLA LOTTERY is approved by the British/America Gaming Board and also Licensed by the International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR). This lottery is the 3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public...

All winnings not claimed on or before 4TH of OCTOMBER would be revoked. Winners are advised to keep their winning details/information from the public to avoid fraudulent claim...

Mr. ANTHONY CAMPBELL

(Lottery Manager)

MY RESPONSE:

Dear Sir:

This is a great honor. Truly. But alas, I do not think I can claim the prize before the 4th of "OCTOMBER" as you call it. You see, I imposed exile upon myself years ago. Now, I live under a bridge by a polluted river. I am a dirty man. I am a horny man. But mostly I am a horny, dirty, smelly man.

This money you speak of...I do not trust lottery winnings from brand new companies, and this "Coca-Cola" sounds like a flimsy, fly-by-night operation. Screw you. Screw you all to hell. I'm sorry, that was mean. But really, screw you and your whole dirty, thieving "Coca Cola" racket. What the hell kind of name is that for a company anyway? What do you guys sell -- scrunchies? It'll never make it.

God, I smell. I'm driving away people near me at this cyber cafe as we speak. Fuck you, cyber-customers! I don't know why I typed that, but I just yelled it at them and thought I'd share. Anyway, Mr. Anderson (if that is your real name)...what are you trying to sell me? Oh yeah, lottery money. Screw you and your lottery.

I'm sorry I say such hurtful things. I just know you'll hurt me like all the rest. Oh shit, the cyber cafe people called the police. Fuckin' hell, not again -- you punch one 10 year old child in the face and suddenly you're Public Enemy #1. God, I don't wanna go to prison again. I'd much rather go live under my bridge. I need to run...literally.

God bless you, Mr. Anderson.

Kevin "The Child Puncher" Mitchell