OFFICIAL PRIZE NOTIFICATION
This is to inform you that have been selected for a cash prize of $450,000.00. The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized email selection system from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world...
The COCA-COLA LOTTERY is approved by the British/America Gaming Board and also Licensed by the International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR). This lottery is the 3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public...
This is to inform you that have been selected for a cash prize of $450,000.00. The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized email selection system from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world...
The COCA-COLA LOTTERY is approved by the British/America Gaming Board and also Licensed by the International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR). This lottery is the 3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public...
All winnings not claimed on or before 4TH of OCTOMBER would be revoked. Winners are advised to keep their winning details/information from the public to avoid fraudulent claim...
Mr. ANTHONY CAMPBELL
(Lottery Manager)
MY RESPONSE:
Dear Sir:
This is a great honor. Truly. But alas, I do not think I can claim the prize before the 4th of "OCTOMBER" as you call it. You see, I imposed exile upon myself years ago. Now, I live under a bridge by a polluted river. I am a dirty man. I am a horny man. But mostly I am a horny, dirty, smelly man.
This money you speak of...I do not trust lottery winnings from brand new companies, and this "Coca-Cola" sounds like a flimsy, fly-by-night operation. Screw you. Screw you all to hell. I'm sorry, that was mean. But really, screw you and your whole dirty, thieving "Coca Cola" racket. What the hell kind of name is that for a company anyway? What do you guys sell -- scrunchies? It'll never make it.
God, I smell. I'm driving away people near me at this cyber cafe as we speak. Fuck you, cyber-customers! I don't know why I typed that, but I just yelled it at them and thought I'd share. Anyway, Mr. Anderson (if that is your real name)...what are you trying to sell me? Oh yeah, lottery money. Screw you and your lottery.
I'm sorry I say such hurtful things. I just know you'll hurt me like all the rest. Oh shit, the cyber cafe people called the police. Fuckin' hell, not again -- you punch one 10 year old child in the face and suddenly you're Public Enemy #1. God, I don't wanna go to prison again. I'd much rather go live under my bridge. I need to run...literally.
God bless you, Mr. Anderson.
Kevin "The Child Puncher" Mitchell
This is a great honor. Truly. But alas, I do not think I can claim the prize before the 4th of "OCTOMBER" as you call it. You see, I imposed exile upon myself years ago. Now, I live under a bridge by a polluted river. I am a dirty man. I am a horny man. But mostly I am a horny, dirty, smelly man.
This money you speak of...I do not trust lottery winnings from brand new companies, and this "Coca-Cola" sounds like a flimsy, fly-by-night operation. Screw you. Screw you all to hell. I'm sorry, that was mean. But really, screw you and your whole dirty, thieving "Coca Cola" racket. What the hell kind of name is that for a company anyway? What do you guys sell -- scrunchies? It'll never make it.
God, I smell. I'm driving away people near me at this cyber cafe as we speak. Fuck you, cyber-customers! I don't know why I typed that, but I just yelled it at them and thought I'd share. Anyway, Mr. Anderson (if that is your real name)...what are you trying to sell me? Oh yeah, lottery money. Screw you and your lottery.
I'm sorry I say such hurtful things. I just know you'll hurt me like all the rest. Oh shit, the cyber cafe people called the police. Fuckin' hell, not again -- you punch one 10 year old child in the face and suddenly you're Public Enemy #1. God, I don't wanna go to prison again. I'd much rather go live under my bridge. I need to run...literally.
God bless you, Mr. Anderson.
Kevin "The Child Puncher" Mitchell
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