Dear Sir/Ma,
CLAIM YOUR FUND!
We the member of the Euromillions/Ventural International Lottery
which to inform you that your Email Address has won a prize Sum of
(1.000,000.00 Euros) One Million Euros only in the EURO MILLION 2008
Email Sweepstakes International Loteria Program held in-Spain and
Organise by the Euromillion/Ventural Lottery International.
CLAIM YOUR FUND!
We the member of the Euromillions/Ventural International Lottery
which to inform you that your Email Address has won a prize Sum of
(1.000,000.00 Euros) One Million Euros only in the EURO MILLION 2008
Email Sweepstakes International Loteria Program held in-Spain and
Organise by the Euromillion/Ventural Lottery International.
MY RESPONSE:
Dear Sir/Mama
Fuck your lottery! I have a better idea! It a business idea that I
dare say will make us millions of dollars!
Now, as we all know, raising earthworms is a booming industry. That's
right, I said RAISING EARTHWORMS IS A BOOMING INDUSTRY, you deaf
muthafucka! And I need a partner to help me start up my earthworm
business. For a paltry investment of $500,000 cash, you can become
part of the fastest growing industry in the midwest northern region of
the lower 23 states!
How can we make money from earthworms, you ask? Simple. I will raise
the earthworms and then grind them into lunch meat and sell them to
the schools in my area. I mean, these kids are so young that they
have barely tasted any kind of food in their short, pathetic lives --
so who are they to spit it out and say "ewwww, that's not cow meat!"
Interesting fact: did you know that, pound-for-pound, earthworm meat
makes a much better lubricant for your car engine than does ostrich
meat? So if it's good enough for your car engine, why isn't it good
enough for your fat little children to shove it down their gullets?
Now, people often say to me: "Kevin, I don't want my child eating
earthworms." And, my usual response is: "Fuck you, you brain-dead
hick! If you can't appreciate the genius of my plan, then you can go
fuck a goat for all I care. My father also said I'd be nothing and
now look where I am -- the CEO of a successful earthworm grinding
business! Who are you to criticize me?? Security!" As you can see,
I am a consummate professional.
I even thought of a name for the company: "Slithering Meats Food Co."
Catchy, right? Yeah, I though of that while I was masturbating out a
5th story window. Don't ask, it's a long story. Let me just say that
God did not intend for humans to simultaneously snort cocaine and
watch pornography after being awake for 103 hours straight.
Anyway, yes, fuck your lottery. Fuck it to hell. Our children need
worm meat! Fund my company...or else!
Much Love,
Kevin "The Worm Grinder" Mitchell
Fuck your lottery! I have a better idea! It a business idea that I
dare say will make us millions of dollars!
Now, as we all know, raising earthworms is a booming industry. That's
right, I said RAISING EARTHWORMS IS A BOOMING INDUSTRY, you deaf
muthafucka! And I need a partner to help me start up my earthworm
business. For a paltry investment of $500,000 cash, you can become
part of the fastest growing industry in the midwest northern region of
the lower 23 states!
How can we make money from earthworms, you ask? Simple. I will raise
the earthworms and then grind them into lunch meat and sell them to
the schools in my area. I mean, these kids are so young that they
have barely tasted any kind of food in their short, pathetic lives --
so who are they to spit it out and say "ewwww, that's not cow meat!"
Interesting fact: did you know that, pound-for-pound, earthworm meat
makes a much better lubricant for your car engine than does ostrich
meat? So if it's good enough for your car engine, why isn't it good
enough for your fat little children to shove it down their gullets?
Now, people often say to me: "Kevin, I don't want my child eating
earthworms." And, my usual response is: "Fuck you, you brain-dead
hick! If you can't appreciate the genius of my plan, then you can go
fuck a goat for all I care. My father also said I'd be nothing and
now look where I am -- the CEO of a successful earthworm grinding
business! Who are you to criticize me?? Security!" As you can see,
I am a consummate professional.
I even thought of a name for the company: "Slithering Meats Food Co."
Catchy, right? Yeah, I though of that while I was masturbating out a
5th story window. Don't ask, it's a long story. Let me just say that
God did not intend for humans to simultaneously snort cocaine and
watch pornography after being awake for 103 hours straight.
Anyway, yes, fuck your lottery. Fuck it to hell. Our children need
worm meat! Fund my company...or else!
Much Love,
Kevin "The Worm Grinder" Mitchell
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