Microsoft Lottery SCAM

SPAM EMAIL I RECEIVED:

Dear Winner,

We the entire staffs of Microsoft Corporations here in Valencia wish to congratulate you for being one of the lucky winners in this season's lottery promotion. Microsoft Corporations rolled out over €16,000.000.00 (Sixteen Million Euros) to encourage the use of the Internet and promote computer literacy worldwide. All participants were selected through our Microsoft computer ballot system drawn from 42,000 Names

INFORMATION NEEDED FROM YOU TO SEND YOUR LAPTOP AND TO ISSUE YOUR CHEQUE ON YOUR FULL NAME AND CONTACT ADDRESS!!

YOUR FULL NAME:
OCCUPATION:
AGE:
SEX:
ADDRESS:
POST CODE:
CITY:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
MOBILE-TELEPHONE:
FAX NUMBER:
WINNER EMAIL ADDRESS:
REFERENCE NUMBER:

Congratulations in advance.

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Celino Ramses

MY RESPONSE:

Dear Mr. Ramses,

I am glad you contacted me. I am sick of hearing from Mr. Sheik and Mr. Trojan. But since it is you, Mr. Ramses, I am engorged with delight.

I also understand why you are giving away this money. I have often said to myself, "Kevin, MORE people need to use the internet" and now you are helping that effort! God bless you! I personally use the internet to view pornography. Before the internet, I had to wear a trench coat and shamefully go to a porn shop and buy magazines like an animal! But, now I can roll off my futon in the morning, evacuate my bowels, eat cereal, and watch porn online (as a side note, I do all of those activities simultaneously).

Anyway, yes, my information:

FULL NAME: Kevin "Pornography" Mitchell
OCCUPATION: Test subject for experimental medications.
AGE: A lady never tells.
SEX: Oh God, I want some sex. Then I wouldn't have to waste my life watching porn online.
ADDRESS: The 23rd Street YMCA.
POST CODE: I don't know what this is.
CITY: Again, I am at a loss for words.
STATE: Drunk.
MOBILE-TELEPHONE: Why must you mock me? You know I can't afford that shit.
FAX: See previous answer. Assholes.
WINNER EMAIL ADDRESS: Alas, I am a loser at life, so I have no winner email address. But you may respond to this one, if you wish. kmitchell69@gmail.com
REFERENCE NUMBER: What the hell is this?

In conclusion, I want my money by the end of the day in several metal briefcases. Instructions will follow. And don't try anything funny. I am smart. Smarter than the average porpoise. So watch out!

Kevin "Shifty" Mitchell